I Don't Even Know Who You Are

Through the many pains of going through my divorce.  I have found the one of the most painful things was losing some friendships along the way.

I understand that it's normal for some friends to chose sides with one or the other in the divorce.  In my situation mostly everyone has "sided" (I hate to say it that way) with me.   Most people in my life have understood and stood by me and my decision to get out of the situation I was in.  But while I have had a lot of support and encouragement, I have also had my share of criticism and hurtful things said to me.  Such is life, I know.  

One of the most painful things that has been said to me through this...was "I don't even know who you are anymore, this is not the Marcy that I knew." In the midst of ME trying to figure out who I was and figure out how to put my life back together in a way that made some sort of sense, REALLY?, I mean I was and am the SAME loving, devoted, trustworthy, dedicated, hardworking woman of God that "you" thought you knew", I AM still me....and perhaps those things you disapproved of were REALLY who I was, but in light of living under the dictatorship of an abusive alcoholic, you never saw it because I was never allowed to express the REAL me.   One of the things that this particular person taught me through the years of knowing them was how to have a voice, how to speak for myself, that what I had to say did matter.  This person showed me that God had something more for me. This person has taught me so much and I value all the things I've learned from them.  So them cutting me out of their life has been almost as painful as my marriage ending.  

Let me clarify something, while going through my separation and divorce, I really have made some stupid mistakes. Made some not so good contacts and made some not so emotionally and spiritually healthy choices.  And I believe that this person who has cut me out of their life wanted "more" for me, and was disappointed in my choices.  So while they may have had the best intentions, they have decided for whatever reason, I am not the person that they thought I was and not longer want to be a part of my life.  

While, I may not understand it, and I may not have a say in whether this person talks to me or not. I WOULD like to say... I am still the Marcy you thought you knew.  I have always been this way.  I am still a woman of integrity and morals. I still have my faith and I am still a woman after God's own heart.  I am still a strong woman who loves hard and plays hard!  I am loyal to my friends, and family. I have fallen short, but I'm still running the race.  So just because you say you don't know who I am...doesn't mean I have changed all that much.  I'm sorry to disappoint you....but THIS IS WHO I AM!