So I've been having this debate with a very dear friend of mine. He is always sooo positive. Has the motto, it doesn't matter what other people think. Who cares, he says? People don't pay attention to negative comments, negative behaviors, it doesn't effect those around them, it only reflects on the person making those negative comments, or choosing to do those negative behaviors.
I on the other hand...feel the sting when someone close to me makes a negative comment and or does something negative. I am always concerned about what others will think of me...if they know I associate with someone that has such bad behavior will it reflect poorly on me?
In the past few weeks I have seen several stories unfold in my life where I and others around me have been affected by a persons bad...very bad decision to do something wrong. I have listened to the comments, I have heard the negativity surrounding this. And while this ONE person did the action it has marred their associates and those who once called them friend. It has painted a poor picture of the organization that they were once a part of. "how could they not KNOW they were this kind of person" "did they not check them out?" blah, blah, blah, blah....while they talk negatively of the person who committed the actions, they are also blaming everyone associated with this person to some degree.
So this makes me think...is it normal? Why do we when there is soooo much good do we hold on to the bad? Why does the bad out weigh the good? I started doing my own research. And it turns out it is typical. I am not abnormal....it is human nature!
It is a general tendency for everyone. A communications professor at Stanford University and the pioneer for research into how humans interact with technology, Dr. Clifford Nass states: "Some people do have a more positive out look, but almost everyone remembers negative things more strongly and in more detail"
AND guess what??? There is a physiological as well as psychological reasons for this!!! THANK you Dr. Nass!!
You see the "brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres". Negative emotions generally involve more thinking and the information is processed more thoroughly then positive ones. Unpleasant events use stronger words to describe them than happy events.
Another brilliant man Roy F. Baumeister, a professor of social psychology at Florida State captured the idea in an article he co authored titled
"Bad is Stronger Than Good" . Research really does show that it is a basic, wide ranging principle in psychology. It is human nature, even animals do it! LOL....As shown in experiments with animals.
As the article puts it, "Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good one. Bad impressions, bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones."
So then, it reasonable to summarize that bad events wear off more slowly than good ones.
Not only is it a quirk in the human psyche, it also may be evolutionary as well. According to the research, "those that are more attuned to bad things would have been more likely to survive threat and consequently would have increased the possibility to be able to pass along their genes. Survival requires urgent attention to possible bad outcomes but less urgent when it comes to good ones"
This all sounds so depressing...but really if you read the articles and think about it. It offers us some reassurance in that we are not alone. And there is a way to learn and grow from how we process negative information. Life after all is a learning experience right???
Baumeister says that it takes 5 goods to right one bad one. I remember that when I was on youth staff years ago, that a practice we used was when and if we heard a student say a negative comment to another. We would call them on it and suggest that they follow up that negative with 3 positive comments.
I have used my own research of this topic to reassure myself that I am NOT alone in this thinking....but also to remember that there is a way to turn the negative into positive.
We need to remember that we need to practice more acts of kindness toward others and ourselves to help balance the world!!!
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