~ Rainy Sunday ~

I sit here this rainy Sunday morning, sipping my coffee, thinking about things...LOTS of things!  Where I am going to be this time next year.  And the thought is overwhelming me.  I have been contemplating my future a lot lately. Even after I have managed to pull myself up by the boot straps and get back on my feet to where I was able to purchase my first house a few months ago...I am still thinking....  Where will I be in my job, where will I be in my relationships, where my children will be.  If I will ever be able to live for more than from paycheck to paycheck.   It's too much to think about!  STOP the madness, I say!!  STOP!

It took me a long time to even think I could dare to dream, let alone help make my dreams a reality.  And it seems as of late, I have been struggling with the ability to even to dream again.  I've mentioned it in my posts, here and there that I have been struggling.  The idea of my blog was to help others dare to dream again when they've been through some of the darkest moments of their lives.   And yet I find myself here, again, wondering if I can make MY dreams a reality.  I feel sorta hypocritical right now. How can I inspire others when I can't even inspire myself,  to "get it together"  and KEEP it together?!?!

A friend of mine and I took our families to a wonderfully beautiful state park yesterday!  It's a favorite of ours and my children have never gotten to experience it.  And my oldest son seems to have developed this liking for "parkour" lately....I am still learning about what the heck that even means...but it's cool to see him developing his body strength and do things I think are impossible and crazy!  But it gives him a sense of purpose, a sense of confidence, a sense of well being.  It gives me heart palpitations cause I'm afraid of his safety!!! None the less, he is determined to get his body and mind focused and strengthened to be able to do so some of the craziest things!  I envy that about him.  REWIND.....that was you, Marcy, several years ago....OMG!

I think back....Back to when I began to get the courage to leave my situation and "dare to dream again".   I too was into physically training my body to do things I had never seen myself doing.  I was working out 6 days a week, and had gotten into running.  I was asked to be a cabin leader at an youth adventure retreat, which meant...outdoor adventure, rock climbing, repelling, high ropes, etc.  I did things that I never had the courage to do or the physical stamina to do.   I remember racing my son's scout den up the climbing wall at the boy scout summer day camp.  I felt accomplished!  LOL!  I felt in shape and determined to make it! And being in good physical form helped me emotionally to get and keep the courage to keep moving forward.  It gave me the strength to overcome, not only physical obstacles but also mental and emotional obstacles to where I was able to dare to dream.  

So I am a few years older.  I find myself in a job I love, however a very emotionally, mentally demanding job that leaves me feeling very depleted at the end of the day.   However, when I was in the place where I didn't think I'd ever be physically fit again, I remember starting with baby steps.  I was not interested in a gym membership, so I started in the privacy of my own home.   Started with a 15 minute workout video.  I figured I had at least 15 minutes every day, so why not pop it in and start.  Then there was the on demand workouts...again, easy!   Picked a 20 minute one occasionally to "mix it up".  Those baby steps of 15 minutes a day for 3 weeks, led way to me joining a small local gym and eventually running 4 days a week.   An impossible feat for me....at least I had thought!  I DID it!  The Nike logo....and slogan "JUST DO IT" became mine!

Okay, so now I find myself back where I was several years ago.  So perhaps it's time to "JUST DO IT" (AGAIN).  I've done it before so I CAN do it again, right???   I'm struggling with believing that I CAN do it again...but darn it...I'm gonna beat this!    I've done it before and I can do it again.  It's time for me to start to dream again.  It's time for me to prove to myself that I can dare to dream again.  

Time to  "JUST DO IT", MARCY!  

~Love always~

Marcy

My friend Christina text me this yesterday while I was at the park climbing rocks! Amazing my God's timing on reminders that I can do ALL things!   Thank you Chris, for blessing me!  In a bigger way than you realize!   

Flashback ~~ Friday Funnies~~

I've been in a funk lately.  I don't know about anyone else, but I need a good laugh.

Someone shared this photo with me a while ago and I found it hilarious and when I was looking through my pics today I saw it...still made me laugh!  Not to mention the kitty in the pic reminds me of our new found fury family member!

Hope it makes you laugh!

High Maintenance Woman ~ Follow up post to my wordless Wednesday pic~

I mentioned to a friend of mine that I am a high maintenance woman, she said "aren't we all?"   In her mind, high maintenance is someone who takes hours to get ready.... well I CAN be that girl...but usually I can get up and out the door fairly quickly if need be.  BUT I am concerned about my appearance. I want to look put together, even if I'm mucking stalls I wanna look good!  Gotta coordinate the perfect outfit for mucking stalls, right???

So yes I would agree high maintenance could mean appearance.  What I was getting at and what I learned about myself was I require a lot of work.  I have higher than normal expectations. I don't mean the high maintenance that means monetarily or necessarily material possessions.  I can do with out a lot of things.  I have already done so. And I don't mind playing in the mud and dirt just as long as I can get cleaned up and put back together.  

No, the high maintenance I'm referring to is, I like to have things my way, I require a lot of emotional attention at times. I require a lot of affection and attention. I need a lot of reassurance, which I have found in the dating after divorce realm...is not such a good thing.

I am needy, I will admit that.  I don't want my high maintenance to scare away my future prince charming. By the same token, I want to be loved like I've never been loved before.  I want to be cherished.  Not necessarily lavished upon with great expensive gifts.  Although, diamonds ARE a girls best friend...right? Yeah...well, I don't know about that.   I want to know that I am worth the effort it takes to woo and continue wooing. Seems most men stop wooing once they've caught the woman.

I know that when I "feel" cherished and loved, I tend to go the extra mile to please.  I am a people pleaser to begin with, but make me feel like a queen, and you can bet you'll feel like a king.   I have found through the years that I am not necessarily alone in this thinking.  Most women who merely feel barely adequate to their partner coast by while those who "feel" cherished flourish and strive to please.

I got to thinking about being high maintenance.  I didn't have the opportunity to learn that about myself in my marriage.  It was always "his way, or the high way" with EVERYTHING.   So now that I have found this new side to myself, I wonder if it is because I didn't know what it was like to be pampered, or cherished by the ONE person who vowed to do so.  Am I high maintenance because I was ignored? While I may be high maintenance with good reason, I need to balance that with a touch of class.  I have been told I am a classy lady.  Never really knew if I believed it or not.  Perhaps I'm not doing as bad of a job at balancing it has I had thought.  

A high maintenance woman may be hard work, but I can guarantee that like most things in life...hard work usually pays off.   A male friend told me a while ago..."Marce, you are worth it, expect nothing less than the best".  

Hmmmmmmm......

I wonder how that would go over on a dating website....HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMAN....I am worth it!!  LOL

http://www.neaq.org

Just a thought!

Love always!!!

~Marcy~

~ High Maintenance Girl ~ Wordless Wednesday ~

#WordlessWednesday # WW

Making Time to Take Care of Myself So I Can Continue to Dare to Dream.

I was looking through some boxes from the move and came across my books from Al-Anon.  In light of my internal struggles I've been having lately, I figured I'd pick it up and read the excerpt from today.  The passage from today was talking about meddling and taking care of oneself.   Like many peeps that have had an alcoholic in their life...I  became a "fixer"  Although, I think that has been my personality/temperament since birth!  I feel the need to fix everything. Everything else but myself.... With being a fixer, I tend to over think.

I read another quote today, not sure who it is from...but something about a "smart woman is an over thinker, the insecure ones, the different ones....the ones who over analyze everything..." Again I do not know who said this...but it has got me thinking....perhaps over thinking.  Not sure if I would agree with that quote...I don't think if I were smart, I'd be insecure...lol...

ANYWAYS,  I've been so wrapped up in an insecurity of mine as of late.....well actually for the last year.   I took a step back and thought where did it originate from.  Perhaps it has come from my over thinking.   So I ask myself...how do I let this go and stop over thinking about this.   Ideally I know what I want to happen, but it is not a reasonable thought.  At least from what I'm being told.   And I sort of agree...but then I am a firm believer that true love makes sacrifices. I mean doesn't it?  lol... But is that really fair to ask someone to sacrifice something simply because I am insecure?  hmmmmm....I don't think so.  

I do not have the answer as of yet how to deal with this particular insecurity..at least not in my heart of hearts.  I am not okay with this.  That being said, as I have found through the other problems or issues that I've worked through....I can do this...and why and how do I do this?  

I am going to rest on the promises of my Father God who has "promised to prosper me and not harm me...plans to give me hope and a future."  I'm not here to preach.  I'm here to share what has and what does get me through the tough times I've been through...what has helped me Dare to Dream Again... What has gotten me through the darkest nights and through the pain and personal struggles...is that particular verse from Jeremiah 29:11.   I cling to that promise when all else seems to be failing...and right now that is what I'm clinging to.  

Back to the passage from my Al Anon book....instead of worrying about that "problem" that I really can't control or fix. What I can control is what I DO......and you know what I'm gonna do?  Make ME a priority... worry about me and what I need to fix in me.  Time to take care of myself.

I will continue to Dare to Dream......

~ not so Wordless Wednesday ~ Perhaps words are necessary.....RIP Robin Williams..

The world is a sadder place today...a great man, one who appeared to have it all and more.  To the human eye he did.  But this is a great reminder that no matter how together someone seems to be or how great they have it, even the "life of the party"  can be battling depression.  Some scoff at depression..thinking..it's all in your head.  But I can tell you that there is nothing more suffocating than depression.  It doesn't matter how many times you are told you are loved, appreciated, adored, unless you believe it...it doesn't help fight the demons that depression brings.  They say laughter is the best medicine.....but I suppose that is not always the case..what happens after the laughter has stopped. Laughter is not the best medicine if it is used as a distraction...as a mask to hide the pain.

Mr. Williams, I am sorry that you felt so alone.  You gave us so much joy and delight...I'm sorry that we were not able to convince you of your greatness.   Let us use this experience to help each other find and realize our worth.  Let us be more alert to those in our lives that are hiding behind that smile.  

"You'd be surprised what a smile can hide....RIP Mr. Williams"

Wordless Wednesday ~Putting it all into perspective~

"Sometimes it depends on where you look from....."

It's True People DO Remember the Negative More Than the Positive ~ It's Human Nature~

So I've been having this debate with a very dear friend of mine.  He is always sooo positive.  Has the motto, it doesn't matter what other people think. Who cares, he says?   People don't pay attention to negative comments, negative behaviors, it doesn't effect those around them, it only reflects on the person making those negative comments, or choosing to do those negative behaviors.

I on the other hand...feel the sting when someone close to me makes a negative comment and or does something negative.  I am always concerned about what others will think of me...if they know I associate with someone that has such bad behavior will it reflect poorly on me?

In the past few weeks I have seen several stories unfold in my life where I and others around me have been affected by a persons bad...very bad decision to do something wrong.  I have listened to the comments, I have heard the negativity surrounding this.  And while this ONE person did the action it has marred their associates and those who once called them friend.   It has painted a poor picture of the organization that they were once a part of.  "how could they not KNOW they were this kind of person"  "did they not check them out?"  blah, blah, blah, blah....while they talk negatively of the person who committed the actions, they  are also blaming everyone associated with this person to some degree.

So this makes me think...is it normal?  Why do we when there is soooo much good do we hold on to the bad?  Why does the bad out weigh the good?    I started doing my own research.   And it turns out it is typical.  I am not abnormal....it is human nature!  

It is a general tendency for everyone.  A communications professor at Stanford University and the pioneer for research into how humans interact with technology, Dr. Clifford Nass states:  "Some people do have a more positive out look, but almost everyone remembers negative things more strongly and in more detail"

AND guess what??? There is a physiological as well as psychological reasons for this!!!  THANK you Dr. Nass!!

You see the "brain handles positive and negative information in different hemispheres".  Negative emotions generally involve more thinking and the information is processed more thoroughly then positive ones. Unpleasant events use stronger words to describe them than happy events.

Another brilliant man Roy F. Baumeister, a professor of social psychology at Florida State captured the idea in an article he co authored titled "Bad is Stronger Than Good"  .   Research really does show that it is a basic, wide ranging principle in psychology.   It is human nature, even animals do it!  LOL....As shown in experiments with animals.

As the article puts it, "Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good one.  Bad impressions, bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones."

So then, it reasonable to summarize that bad events wear off more slowly than good ones.

Not only is it a quirk in the human psyche, it also may be evolutionary as well.  According to the research, "those that are more attuned to bad things would have been more likely to survive threat and consequently would have increased the possibility to be able to pass along their genes.  Survival requires urgent attention to possible bad outcomes but less urgent when it comes to good ones"

This all sounds so depressing...but really if you read the articles and think about it.  It offers us some reassurance in that we are not alone. And there is a way to learn and grow from how we process negative information.  Life after all is a learning experience right???

Baumeister says that it takes 5 goods to right one bad one.  I remember that when I was on youth staff years ago, that a practice we used was when and if we heard a student say a negative comment to another.  We would call them on it and suggest that they follow up that negative with 3 positive comments.

I have used my own research of this topic to reassure myself that I am NOT alone in this thinking....but also to remember that there is a way to turn the negative into positive.

We need to remember that we need to practice more acts of kindness toward others and ourselves to help balance the world!!!