Depression: National Suicide Prevention Week 2015

This week is suicide prevention week.

Depression is so very real!  My heart is heavy right now. I want to share my thoughts on depression. Please if you know anyone dealing with depression reach out to them.

We say things like "they've fought depression for years. They battle depression...yada yada...when someone kills themselves we say they "lost their fight with depression.  I have said the same thing. But really?  It sounds like we lump this into a category of illness that can be fought if we just fight hard enough.  I would think if we could REALLY fight depression things would be a lot easier. I don't really think one can "fight" depression.

Let me just say this about depression.  Depression isn't about feeling sad.  Depression is about feeling nothing.  And how do you fight NOTHING?  

 As Hyperbole and a Half writer Allie Brosh writes:
The most frustrating thing about depression (is that) it isn't always something you can fight back against with hope.  It isn't even something - it's nothing.   And you can't combat nothing.  You can't fill it up.  You can't cover it up. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything.  That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.

So there you have it....you don't battle depression, you endure it.  You experience, you LIVE it day after day.
Sure you are not totally powerless. You learn to work out what triggers the worst episodes.  You find a good doctor. You find what works and you stick with it.  You learn who to trust in your family and friends to tell them what's going on. You learn who to lean on when things are getting bad.  Yep there are lots of things to be done for us to "manage" our depression.  But there are times where it's just not good enough...but that doesn't mean we didn't "fight" hard enough.

We think as a society telling those dealing with depression to "choose to live"  is helpful...well it's not..it's destructive and hurtful..it's insinuating that they don't believe enough, that they aren't fighting enough...it is more destructive.  It's not okay to tell depression sufferers they'll be okay if they believe hard enough or choose to be happy. It's not okay to tell them to try harder!  They try hard EVERY day!

If you know someone living with depression don't assume you understand what they are going through and don't just tell them to get over it and move on.

If you or someone you love is thinking about suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org

United We Stand

This Fourth of July morning, I sit here drinking my coffee.  I am replaying all of the political news as of late. 

There is obvious much debate about the Confederate flag and the "real" history behind it. There seems to be a great division among the people of the Home of the FREE and the BRAVE. I seriously hate the division that seems to still be a part of our nation.  I hate to even think about the fact that racism really does still exist.  As much progress we have made through history...we still seem to be a nation stuck.  

We seem to be a nation divided lately in our opinions and our beliefs.   Which is why TODAY is so important to remember what it is we are celebrating and why we can celebrate it!  We are the melting pot....that much is real. We are all full of our own ideas, beliefs, and agendas.  We are a nation full of different cultures, but different races?  I never understood that.....we all vary in our skin color yes...and our background in our cultures...but are we all the same RACE?  I don't equate race to skin color....our race is HUMAN...and we are ALL human.  At least I think....I question some...but..really.......I'm sure some wonder about me at times too!  lol

The Fourth of July was the date selected to remember the birth of the UNITED States of America as an independent nation.  I think sometimes we forget what UNITED means....ahem...that's JMO!   

For today, let's put aside our different opinions and remember that those are what make us unique and special.  We still deserve love and respect despite those differences....Let's all come together and remember why we are here and why we are able to express our unique difference...and let's celebrate ...Let's celebrate our race...our human race!   Let's celebrate and be UNITED this July 4, 2015!   

Can we be a nation UNITED this Fourth of July???  I love ya USA!   I love each and everyone of you, my fellow Americans!  

LOVE,

Marcy  

Another Try Something New Moment!!

After divorce we are so lost and most of the time we don't even know who we are. Part of the process of healing from divorce is finding out who we are.  Re learning ourselves.  Finding our passion in life again.

Every "first", every new thing I try...I am understanding myself more and more.  I am enjoying finding out who Marcy is!  This is FUN!  

Last evening I had another "first time"!  I went with a blogger friend of mine to an event at the Pittsburgh Glass Center where fellow more seasoned bloggers gathered for a demo of glass art and workshop.  I met some really amazing and talented people.  Made some great connections!  Not to mention I made a flower!!!   I do not consider myself artsy AT all...and let me tell you the process of taking hot glass and molding it, blowing it, pulling, and tilting, spinning...OMG!  It is such an art!

Some of the masterpieces at Pittsburgh Class Center

These people are amazing artist!  If you are from Pittsburgh..you have got to go check them out.  You have got to take one of their workshops!  Who knows, you may be one of their next feature artists.  I am not...but I tried something new!  I stepped out of my comfort zone again and had an amazing evening!!!  

I encourage you to find another something new!   This is the summer time...great time to find a river kayaking group, art class, hiking group, biking....etc....go for it!  DO it! Continue to find YOU!   Have fun, my friend!   

Thank you to the folks at Pittsburgh Glass Center!   And thank you to my friend Ashley for inviting me to tag along!  

Have a great evening my friends!  

LOVE,

MARCY!    

Pray For Nepal

When I heard about the Nepal earthquake, my heart sank.  Our dear sweet Amanda, that is part of our ranch camp family, just posted a picture about a week ago of her standing on a roof top overlooking the city of Nepal.  She had just arrived there as part of a mission team.

I automatically started searching for someone from our camp family that may have spoken to her....and well she and her team are okay!  Praise God!   Now instead of going for their original mission...they are part of the relief efforts to help the city and people of Nepal.

I am so thankful that she is safe!  I can't even imagine the devastation they are experiencing.   The mix of emotions that they and everyone there are experiencing!   My heart aches!

There are a lot of organizations for you to contact and offer your support through.....and if you have one that you normally use for disaster relief funds, that's awesome!  ...but I'm offering an organization that I have supported and donated to for a few years now.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/  please check them out!  I know it's difficult to trust and donate when you aren't sure your funds are going for what they are supposed to go towards. BUT there are many..that are legit!   Samaritans purse is one of them....check it out for yourself!

One thing we can most certainly do...is PRAY!  Please pray for our dear Amanda and her team! PRAY for Nepal!  

~love~  Marcy  

// i don't understand grace completely but i do know this: it meets us exactly where we are but refuses to leave it where it found us //
by Amanda Clair Szerszen    

Can I Run WITH You?

Sitting here on Sunday morning sipping my coffee, trying to come up with some profound post to update my lagging blog.....yeah...I guess this blogging thing is tougher than I thought....I keep reading these awesomely put together posts by these amazing writers and I think...I just can't compete.

Obviously, one of the important details in blogging is having the time.  I think about the time I spend online everyday...and reality is.  it's not much.  I browse here and there.  I check my Facebook and comment or like or try to do my part to encourage my fellow bloggers and friends.  I usually forget about my Twitter.  I just don't seem to have enough time!  

I have my blog to reach out and hopefully inspire and remind women that despite the difficulties, there is life after divorce.   I don't always have something profound to say or words of wisdom to offer. I know that I want to be a successful blogger.  I know that I am not sure how to make blogging work for me right now.  BUT I know I am suppose to do this...and I know until I get it right, I will keep at it. Perhaps down the road I will find, that it's really not my thing. BUT if I have touched one woman.  If I have reminded ONE woman that there is life after divorce and that they are NOT alone, then my blog has done it's job.  

Life is so much easier knowing that we are not alone.

I'm in this everyday race of life just like everyone else.  And just like everyone else...we can all say at one time or another it is down right tough!  Sometimes I just like to know that I am not alone in this race, don't you?    

Will you run with me?    (Or in the words of Mr. Rogers..." won't you be my neighbor?" )

I have always wanted to run this race with YOU!   So let's make the most of this beautiful race...as long as we're here together, we might as well say....won't you be my partner?  

LOVE,

Marcy 

~~Wordless Wednesday~~HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!

http://www.ashleymikulaphotography.com/n5a2ccibvga45ylotf22tkex0tvpcw

~ Who's that Cover Girl?!? ~ OMG! IS that ME?!?!? ~It Can't BE!!! or Can it?? ~

Back In February, I went to a friend of mine for a glamour photography session to update my photos and well to just hopefully feel pretty.

Correct me if I'm wrong....BUT....I'm pretty sure I am not the only woman who while on her way home from a long day at work with tousled hair and remnants of the makeup she so carefully applied at 5 o'clock that morning...  is standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, looks at that magazine with the beautiful, airbrushed almost to perfection woman on the cover...and thinks to herself......yeah....right...if only...  And while we know that it is airbrushed and that those women have their own beauty blunders we secretly wish just once I'd like to feel the confidence that that model seems to be exuding.  "Just once I would love to FEEL THAT beautiful!"   Please tell me I am not the only one who has had such thoughts??

I have always struggled with the idea that I am pretty.  Not really feeling very pretty at all lately, feeling more like a frumpy mommy.

This is where Ashley and her glamour shots come in (http://www.ashleymikulaphotography.com/glamourboudior/pijfx7ttx5w32at7mum9dqwnapl4h7) ....Ashley is this amazing talented photographer...talented in so many areas! Not to mention she has really great hair and is so pretty..and SUPER cool!   And she is the reason for this blog!!! She is the great gal that got me started with blogging and set up this awesometastic blog!  

I end up setting up a glamour shoot with her...where I went to a local salon she partners with here in Western Pennsylvania....Salon Eye Candy (http://salon-eyecandy.com/) in Belle Vernon..they do the hair and makeup... go back to Ashley's studio and play dress up!!!! She made this awesome tulle skirt/dress...OMG..I felt like a princess!!!   I EVEN had false eyelashes....shhhhh..I KNOW right?!? ...but seriously!  THAT was way cool!  I had rockin' eyelashes!  just sayin'!

During the photo shoot..I was a little anxious...a little like...I'm too old to do this..I'm too chubby to do this..and really I am just not that pretty...anyhow...she puts on some music and we laugh and talk and she shoots away! It was so much fun!!!  Not to mention I got to go home all glammed up, great time to make it night out on the town..btw!

Then the best part is when your pics are done, she calls you and you go to her studio where she has them displayed like some exhibit!  HOLY cow!  I remember walking in and seeing MY pics displayed so beautifully!  I was like WOW...that's me?!?!  WOW...I'm not so bad! I have never felt more beautiful than I did that day! I felt like a cover girl!  LOL!

How many times do we as adult women, really take time to pamper ourselves and do something like this?  Mostly NEVER!!!   I think every women should do this...especially as we get a little older..we need to remember that we are beautiful. We need to feel it again and prove to ourselves that we really aren't all the bad!

Ladies, I urge you to find someone in your town and to take the time to do one of these glamour shoots...or even be daring and do a boudoir shoot!  HOW cool would that be!?!?  Not sure if I could pull that one off...but seriously, go for it ladies!  It's time to take back that power and remember that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

https://www.facebook.com/IntimatePortraiturebyAshleyMikula?fref=ts

LOVE,

Marcy

https://www.facebook.com/IntimatePortraiturebyAshleyMikula?fref=ts

Do You REALLY Still Love Me Now that I No Longer Fit Your Definition of Who You Think I AM.

I love this quote from Author Dean Jackson.....
a lot of what I've felt since I've gotten my wings.

We all have differences, different political views, religious and other social differences. We all have quirks. We're all a little unique in our own ways....embracing differences doesn't mean you necessarily agree with some one's view point.  If you love and embrace someone, it doesn't mean you are going to end up with their quirks or differences... just means you embrace the human that God created. GOD created us differently....and guess what, since He created us that means HE knows we have those difference.  And guess what HE accepts us and our differences.   HE loves us.  He tells us to LOVE others...tells us the greatest of these is LOVE....that's funny!  REALLY?  Do you still love me since I no longer fit the mold you say I should? BUT I know God does...and the work He has started in me is not finished or perfected until the day He calls me home.

My ex stopped by last evening to drop something off for our son, he says, I hear you are learning to play the Ukulele....then he proceeds to ask about the white water rafting and the other things I've done since he and I have been a part....then says to me..I didn't realize you were into all of that stuff......hmmmmmmm.....maybe that's' because you didn't give me a chance to show you that side of me because you were so busy telling me what I did and didn't like.  

MADE me think about the people who have left my side, the people who removed me from their circle of friendship since the divorce and I've started learning who I really am.

Do we REALLY want people to be themselves?  Do we really want to know their differences?  I don't think so.

And how do you be yourself without being completely self serving...there is a fine line between being yourself and putting yourself before others.  We need to have a healthy balance of knowing who we are and being true to our likes, dislikes, and our personalities.

Today,  I'm seeing a lot on social media posts about being yourself..that we are all different and how we should embrace that....REALLY?  Funny how now that I've started to find out who I really am and have stopped letting people dictate what I like and don't like...over these last few years the people who have disappeared from my life... what is that again about how we are ALL different and we should just be ourselves???  Come again?!?

People are funny!  Be yourself.....but I'll only like you if your version of yourself is someone I can accept and tolerate.  

It's really true...you really do find out who are your true friends by who is still by your side after the skeletons have come out of the closet.  

I let go and I've decided to be just who I AM!  Weird, unique and different!


Love the weird and unique



Marcy!!!

The Single Mom Debate

Being a single parent doesn't necessarily mean you are physically single.  You can be a single parent if you have a spouse that is in the military while they are away for great lengths of time, or if you have a spouse who travels for work a lot. Michelle Obama referred to herself as a "busy single mom". I mean come on, she is married to the President?!  How can she claim that...but really I'm sure she has "felt" that at times she is doing it alone.

She then self corrected herself in saying "Believe me, being a busy single mom - or I shouldn't say single, as a busy mother.....Sometimes you know, when you have a husband as President, you can feel a little single.  But he is there" She is essentially saying that she sometimes feels as though she does it alone.  And I can empathize, that yes, she probably does "feel" alone at times.

Just because a partner is physically present doesn't mean a parent can't feel that he or she is taking on the role of raising their children alone.

Single parenting doesn't necessarily have anything to do with relationship status...but relationship status certainly factors into it.  Single parenthood, I think can be defined by the level of social, financial, and custodial responsibility one assumes for the child/children.

I also saw this meme that was circulating on Twitter and Facebook.......when the anonymous married father who posted this was asked why he did so...his response was that basically he feels as though some people use the single mom term to pretend they are going through a struggle.  He feels as though some successful people pretend that they grew up rough....Mothers with GOOD fathers who pretend that they're in the same position as women who do it alone.

He went on to say that he knew women who had their children 7 days a week with little to no social interaction from the father, who paid everything, without the help from government assistance, who kept up with their childrens' educational and extracurricular activities .  To him that is being a single parent...and he's not wrong.

He says its a slap in the face to the women who really do it all alone.  I appreciate him "sticking up" for those who really do it all alone.

While I don't disagree with his thought process....I think that if we have ever cared for our children at any length alone or with out equal involvement or participation from the other parent, we can all empathize with single parenting experiences.

It's not about "us"verses "them" in the arena of motherhood.......being a mom is being a mom...Mothering is mothering is mothering.  End of story.  It's ALL hard, who am I to say who has it worse......It's a tough job and only a MOM can do it!  ;)

Here's to ALL the moms out there!  God bless!

Love,

Marcy

Learning to Love Me! My Journey to Change My Body and Mind....

One week in with my 24 Day Challenge.  The first phase of my challenge is the cleanse phase in which I have 3 more days.  Along with the cleanse and getting rid of the toxin in my body in order to better aid my hopeful weight loss, I've been doing a mental cleanse.  They say a good cleanse is good once in a while.  

As I have stated before, I have always struggled with my weight.  Always gone up and down. At the same time I have always been mostly active, working out up to 6 days a week. Staying as active as I possibly can mostly because I want to FEEL good and have energy.  All the while secretly wanting to have those rock hard abs and sculpted legs. To which has been a life long struggle..when it comes to the sculpted legs...I don't know that I have ever achieved that part..even with working out at the gym 6 days a week, my legs looked a heck of a lot better than they do now..but I still had the cellulite!  AND.... that my friends, is what has attributed to MY poor body image.

Body image is one's body perception and judgement of one's size, shape, weight and other aspects that relate to body appearance (hair, skin tone). 

*Can be different from how body actually appears to outside observers

*Influential factors in body image, reactions by others about one's appearance, comparison w/others and to cultural ideals, physical characteristics, parents, siblings, teachers, peers, coaches, media.  

So part of the mental cleanse I am doing is to remember why I feel the way I do about my body and what I need to do to purge those negative perceptions that I've acquired and allowed to take a hold of my life.  

I've told you all about my negative thoughts about my legs.  I remember two distinctive episodes in my life that I know have attributed to that negative view of my legs which has made it my life long mission to over come it.  ONLY two times has an outside observer said a negative thing and I have allowed those two times to "scar" me for life?!?  

I have challenged that negative voice inside me before and I've won the battle....but lately,  I've realized I am falling back into listening to that negative voice once again. 

My mental cleanse once again has started with taking my weight loss goals seriously and my workouts seriously. Taking those goals seriously has opened up the inner beast and I am ready to face the negative voice that says I can't and tries to shame me into hiding.   It is about shedding/cleansing those years of self hatred, shame, and misplaced criticism.  They really don't belong in the here and now!  

I love the quote "don't let anyone dull your sparkle".    I'm not gonna let that negative voice dull my sparkle!  

Have a great week and stay warm!  

Love, 

Marcy

Winter Blues

I don't know about you all, but I've got the blues. I'm tired of this when hell freezes over weather..

With about 60% of the US dealing with below temps and poor Boston dealing almost 8 feet of snow, who wants to build a snowman?!?!?   I loved Frozen! The movie was great, but in real life...not so great!  I'm done with it.  Let it go already!  ANNNDDD I'm letting go......and this is what I'm letting go of.......

I'm ready for the sunshine that brings warm temps.  Great long walks outside.  Hiking, riding.... anything outside.  Being outside helps when I'm feeling blah!  Being outside keeps me active and healthy mentally AND physically!

Well things have changed..no longer can I put the boys on the bus and go out in the field and mess around with my horse.  No longer can I put the boys on the bus and go for a run. No longer does my job consist of being outside for 12 hours a day.

I've been in a slump for quite some time. I get these spurts of energy and go full out with my dieting and training....then I revert back.  I'm tired of trying to run a household on my own.  I fall into working 40+ hours a week trap.  I come home feed two teenage boys, try to stay on top of their school work, take care of the mundane daily living skills, laundry, playing taxi service. They need a life, mom needs a life.  And really my boys aren't as busy as some....so what's the deal?!?!  Why can't I seem to multi task like before?

I'm the sort of gal who needs to get things the hard way.  Well the hard way hit me on Sunday when I stepped on the scale and took my measurements.   I've been toying with committing to this 24 day challenge thing, my girlfriend has introduced me to.  I've bought some of the product and tried it...loved it.  But have been keeping my other foot out the door so to speak.   Not sure what clicked last week, but I decided to go ahead and commit to this challenge, come hell or high water.  Stepping on that scale was the beginning of that challenge...and well it hit me..hard!  TIME is NOW!

I've always struggled with the scale and the number on the scale.  I've struggled with always being the "big tall" girl in the class or in the crowd.  I've learned to embrace the tallness, but with the tallness comes the struggle with my inferior complex of looking so huge next to my cute petite friends, which I've secretly desired a time or two.  So my journey will be a struggle with the scale and my own mental thoughts of what I think I should look like.   I've been here before, and I've done it...just like anything else.... I set my mind to something, I do it!

So I am setting out on a journey to regain my physically active lifestyle....and I am asking you to join me.  I plan on posting my highs and lows, my struggles, my triumphs with the scale, in addition to what has helped me regain the body confidence that I had fought so hard to get.  I am putting it all out there for the world to see...

Today is day two of my 24 day challenge.  Eating wise, I have made healthy choices, portion control. I worked out for 35 minutes.  I feel it in my gut that this is the journey meant for me.  I hope to meet more of you who are embarking on a similar journey.

Nothing better to beat the winter blues than getting my sweat on!!!

Thank you for taking the time to visit my page.  Have a great active evening!!!


Love,

Marcy

Happy "V" Day!

I had a plan to write an anti Valentine's Day post.  I saw a meme that quoted something about Valentine's Day being the most unromantic holiday..because you're only doing something because society says so....

I have been anti Valentine's Day in like forever!!!  I totally agree with that statement in the meme I saw.  Not to mention I have other reasons why Valentine's Day has been my least favorite holiday.  I know I am not alone in my thinking.   

Instead of dreading it this year, I have embraced the opportunity to reflect on just where I've come over these years and just where I am heading....I HAVE PLANS!   

I want to encourage all of you who may be feeling lonely and not in the mood to participate in the Valentine's mushy, what society tells us is romantic antics. LOVE yourself this Valentine's Day...reflect on where you've come from, and where you are going in your life.

LOVE you!  Turn your cant's into cans and your dreams into plans!!!!!  

This girl has turned her cant's into CANS!   Picture taken at local park, nothing like climbing a tree in a dress!  lol

   














Happy Valentine's Day!!!

LOVE,

Marcy

~~This Girl Loves Football!~~

SUPERBOWL XLIX ~   I'm ready for some football!  

I started out making this post about the current deflate gate scandal surrounding the New England Patriots and cheating in sports and what message it sends to our youth teams.  I am disgusted by the scandal and the fact we just can't have some good honest football around here.

Enter **SQUIRREL MOMENT**

While looking up some statistics and other football facts, I came across a page entitled "why women commenting and posting about football is annoying".... WELL, let me tell you, forget deflated balls! I am here to say WHY I am annoyed and why it is difficult to be a female fan sometimes...  SOOOO.....Let me tell you, what the annoying realities of being a female football fan are!!!!   Grrrrr.....ball ready...GAME ON!

Just cause I love pink doesn't mean
I don't want to wear my team colors!  

Football is an American past time that has been bringing families and friends together for decades. One of my favorite all time memories and cherished moments are football Sundays and pasta with my family!  Hanging my terrible towel on the mantel...and just enjoying watching football with my family. I mean it's FOOTBALL! hoooorahhh!  

Let me also say we are capable of enjoying the sport of football without the need of impressing ANY man or FOR the man...so aggravating to be asked "who do you think is cute"?  What the heck...he's sweating..and dirty..and well yeah..some girls are into that..myself included..sorry "squirrel" moment..... Why can't a girl just enjoy sports for the themselves...NO MAN NECESSARY!

We do not need an explanation for every play; we actually know what's going on from our own know how....unless we ask..please, we really do know what's going on...usually!  lol

One of the biggest annoying thing as a female fan is the pop quizzes!!  I may not know EVERY starting player, or every little detail about their statistics, but really it's annoying to be quizzed when I mention who my favorite team may be.  At the end of my day, their starting players. or their numbers don't affect me in the least...so I don't care!!!!

And just because pink is my favorite color, doesn't mean I don't need my jersey all bedazzled or bling blinged out...I love my team's colors.  Some better cuts and choices may be nice..but I want to wear black and gold!  I'm proud of those team colors!!!

It's not just a phase or we're not just on the bandwagon. Win or lose, we female fans are fans to the end.  It doesn't matter how we grew to love it, we love it.  Football doesn't care about relationship issues, it doesn't care about stresses from work or school. For myself, it's sorta an escape from those things.

Football is more than just a sport, it is part of the American culture which I love!

Go ahead, my fellow female fans..wear your team colors proudly and don't let anything keep you from fully enjoying your team and the sport of football!  ANY sport for that matter!

Have a happy and great weekend!   AND....since my favorite team is not playing..I am going for #GoSeattleSeahawks.    Make Tom Brady eat his #deflatedballs!  

Love,

Marcy   #STEELERSfanalltheway

~~Huge Hopes, Big Let Downs...Learning to deal with disappointments~~

Another year has come and gone...I am a year older, but am I a year wiser???  LOL!  You'd think after AHEM...40 something years, I'd get it!!!    Life is full of disappointments, that's just life, it's how I deal with it that matters...HOW does one deal with it?  What is the right way to deal with being let down?

I tend to feel guilty with "feeling disappointed or let down"....I think it is selfish of me to think more of a situation or to expect more of a loved one.

Coming out of an unhealthy, abusive relationship where I was constantly getting my hopes up and being let down, I learned to close myself off and withdraw.  It was easier to deny my feelings and then to just lock them away and not feel.  Another one of many learning areas in rebuilding my life after divorce is learning how to experience those feelings and not resorting back to my unhealthy pattern of shutting down...which has been very difficult.  One of the most difficult parts of putting my life back together.

Really, though, I'm not the only one who feels disappointments and let down.  We all deal with it differently, it comes down to how we're wired personally, I guess.  Some can get over it quickly., some can't, just because of how we are "wired".

We are under stress to just "get over things" quickly.  We are living in an age of fast food, microwave popcorn, immediate gratifications...we need to do things quickly.  But really our emotions aren't always in agreement with the worlds fast ways.   Why can't we just allow ourselves to experience a feeling?  

Obviously I can't lock myself away when I experience disappointment, but I need to allow myself time to experience the feeling without the obligation of having to speed it up and just get over it.
Whatever I am feeling is okay. It is important to take time to feel.

After I feel the emotion it is easier for me to gain perspective on the situation.  Once I've allowed myself to breath...I am then able to give the situation room to breathe.  Maybe the person who disappointed me didn't realize it. I feel what I feel and then I can think.

Sometimes I need someone else to help me gain that perspective.  I need to talk things out so that I can see the other side of the situation.  

As I stated earlier, I tend to close down...so after I have felt the feelings, and gain perspective, I need to remain open hearted in order to learn from the disappointment.  By maintaining the open heart it gives me the freedom to choose to be driven by the disappointment and not controlled by the emotion of being let down.  SO MUCH easier said than done for me!  But I'm learning..and getting better!!!

Now for me to practice acceptance.   Even though I know that things are bound to happen, I am not always willing to accept them.  I have to accept that life will continue to disappoint me, that is part of life, part of being human.  I also have to accept that I will probably continue to struggle with this fact at various points for the rest of my life.  UGH!

Practicing acceptance is a lifelong challenge and fundamental to me dealing with disappointment.  I WILL be disappointed.  I will disappoint, life will be disappointing BUT it WILL pass!

Disappointments may be a part of life, but ALL parts of life can help me grow. I can be present and aware even in the midst of negative emotions and therefore live life  more fully.

Time for me to move past it.......I can do it!!!

The Golden Rule

I saw this image on this site...Loved it!
  http://www.breathofoptimism.com/

The Golden Rule is an ethical or moral code that states we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  

I have seen people's reactions to those I have worked with over the past 2 years with mental, physical, and behavioral disabilities.  It astonishes me the way people really treat those that "aren't like" us.  To this day those with mental or physical disabilities are not treated as well as those who have no mental, physical, or behavioral diagnosis.  I was at a restaurant with a group of such individuals in which they were on their best behavior but because some talked differently or talked a bit more loudly than what is "expected" I guess....I don't even know why... but there was a table of a mom, grandma and two young children..who got up and moved because "they just couldn't sit next to those people".   I have seen the looks of disdain, pity and I guess just plain misunderstanding as we have walked through a store or museum.  

I have learned that it wasn't that long ago that people that have such disabilities were just locked away in an asylum because we as society didn't understand that there really were issues in the brain and chemical makeup of some people that made them act differently than what we consider the norm.

It makes me think about that fact that yes, indeed there are those who suffer from pretty severe mental/behavioral and sometimes physical disabilities.  Most by no fault of their own.   But they are human.  HUMAN, just like you and I.   They may not understand the world in the same way as we do, but really does the world even make sense to anyone some days?  And don't we all have moments that we act differently, usually due to choices we make on our own where we cause our own frustrations.  Sometimes we are own worse enemy.  My point being, we ALL have some sort of issue/issues from time to time.  We all can be considered "different".

When I was running the day camp program at the youth ranch camp.  I one day taught the golden rule, "treat others the way you want to be treated"...we read the Bernstein Bears Golden Locket book...and made our own lockets to remind us of how we should treat others.   We were in the middle of free play when I was sitting inside the tent area and I heard some little ones bickering in the sand box...I listened and a little girl let out with an ear piercing shout "IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO YELL AT YOU, THEN DON'T YELL AT ME"!!!    Everyone stopped, even the ants stopped to listen!   Needless to say the young man who was giving her a hard time and shouting at her...didn't raise his voice to her the rest of the week...nor did he to anyone!  lol..She got her point across!   Treat others the way you want to be treated!   LOL!   SHE got it...and so did the rest of the buckaroos! LOL!!!  No one raised their voice the rest of the week!

We all see every day, discrimination to SOME degree.   Discrimination in ANY form against ANY differences is just plain wrong!   WRONG!  WE are all human, we all bleed, we all laugh, we all cry, we all fall down, we all rise up.  We are ALL subject to discrimination and I'm sure most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives.   I know we don't live in an ideal world..but my ideal world would be to consider all of our differences UNIQUE and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Treat people with respect and dignity until or unless they prove they don't deserve your respect or dignity by doing some heinous act against you or your family, or unless they threaten your safety and well being.  

Why can't we all just get along? Why can't we embrace each others differences?  Why can't we all just:

TREAT OTHERS THE WAY WE WANT TO BE TREATED.   

I wish everyone a very wonderful Sunday evening and a great week ahead!  And I pray for safety for those who may have to travel in inclement weather.  Have a good week! 



Marcy

Sending HUGS!

In so many ways, the holiday season is so very painful for some for various of reasons.   I want to extend hugs and prayers to all of those who have been in pain through this holiday season and as the new year is now upon us.   

http://www.bestsayingsquotes.com/files/awesome-hug-quotes-pictures-2-4a59a554.jpg

I started my blog in hopes of offering A HOPE to those who are going through the divorce process. As the holidays are painful for so many different reasons, it is particularly painful for those of us entering or already in the midst of a separation and divorce.  Every where you turn you see adds for love and romance and happy families spending the holidays together. And how about those mushy holiday TV movies!?!? Even my 11 year old said.."why is this all they put on during Christmas...there is no such thing as "happily ever after"....and it hurts!"  Sad that an 11 yr old knows that sort of heartache at his young age!   It's sort of like a sucker punch in the stomach every time those adds come on, or everywhere you turn you see signs of love and romance. Makes ya think, what's wrong with me?  Will I ever find love? Does love really exist?  Just so many things mess with your mind and already hurting heart.

I have been reading this past week and my heart aches for all of those women who are hurting..and who's lives are really in the midst of disarray.  I too remember that suffocating pain..those lonely nights, those holiday gatherings that are no longer, that first holiday dinner that the kids go and spend it with the STBX instead of the whole family and you find yourself spending it alone or at least feeling alone even if you have a gathering with your relatives.  Or how about those other holiday celebrations that you no longer get invited to because of whatever reason..... IT HURTS SO STINKING bad!  A side note.... I wish those who are still in our lives would realize that we don't need you to fix things..and we know that you don't know what to say, but do you have to exclude us? We don't have the plague...in fact we are in serious need of acceptance and love.  And when the people who we think love us continue to exclude us because they don't know what to say to us...we feel even more unlovable.  

Anyways, back to my holiday hugs...my hope is to let someone out there who may need to know at the moment they read this that they are NOT alone!  If I could..I would wrap my arms around everyone who is currently hurting from the suffocating pain of divorce. 

Please, my friend, know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Things may not get better today, things may not get better tomorrow...in fact things may not get better for while.....but you ARE lovable..you ARE worthy of more.  YOU ARE WORTH IT!   Please, please, please, find a group, or a friend to help you while you are going through this most painful journey of your life.  Divorce sucks, and it hurts, but there is healing.  You will get through this!  You will my friend!!!   

Love and HUGS,

Marcy

Welcome 2015!!!

With the morning dew comes a new day.....

Wanted to take this time to say Happy New Year to all my fellow bloggers, friends and family.   As I've scrolled down through Facebook and Twitter and have seen pictures of everyones' celebration and new years resolution posts I've reflected on 2014 and what I've learned.

2014 was full of ups and downs for me..as I am sure for most.  Some  have had more downs than ups. Most use the first day of the new year as a the first page in a new chapter. However our lives are new EVERY morning.  We all choose how to live our new page of life daily.   Some have circumstances in their lives that make being happy or healthy more difficult from time to time.  However, we still have a new "page" every day.  We all have a chance to start a new page every day of the year if we wake up breathing.   Why wait to the new year when we have a new page every day of the year?? That has been an exciting thought for me.  I don't have to wait!  I can start new every day!

I learn things the hard way.  Always......but one thing I've learned in the year 2014 is that I have a chance to make a difference every day that I am alive and breathing.  Another thing is that no one will or can live my life for me...it is truly up to me, to live my life to the fullest.  I must choose happiness over sadness, I must choose to worry about myself and the things I CAN change, not the things I can't.   I must choose love over hate.  I must choose forgiveness over unforgiving.   It's up to ME and no one else to live my life for me.  

Happy 2015 everyone!  May you all have a healthy, happy and prosperous year!  

Love,

Marcy