Do Over

Feeling very emotional today, and the fact that TOM has come for his monthly visit doesn't help!

Today started with me having an argument with someone that I did not intend to argue with. I didn't want to argue with them.  But I did and I feel badly.   I've found that when I want my voice to be heard. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me.  I'm not proud of this...one of my many flaws.  I just wanted to be heard and have my thoughts and my point be validated. Turns out that my point is not valid. That I just over react and over think things.  But seriously, IF there was something that I could do to ease an insecurity or make a loved one feel more secure then I would do it. Borrowing it doesn't involve anything illegal or immoral.  I would do what I could even if I disagreed if it meant that much to that some one.   I guess that is another flaw of mine.

My day at work also went poorly.  Sometimes what I do can involve somewhat dangerous and scary situations.  Today was both of those..or at least I felt very threatened.  Today was the very first day at in the almost 2 years of being there, that I felt really threatened. I was a tad bit shaken by the events at work.  But I STILL love what I do!

You would think that after spending day after day helping others redirect their feelings, emotions and actions into something constructive and beneficial that I would find it easier to do so myself.  I find however that sometimes I suck at it personally!   I find that I let fear, insecurities, past failures, and my flaws over ride what I KNOW I should do.  And... well then I end up having an argument with someone I care about and feel even worse than I did at the beginning of the day.   Such is the case for today.   I am so frustrated with myself!!

I have told those I work with when they make mistakes, that we all make mistakes. The important thing to do is own up to the mistake and make amends where amends can be made and move forward.  I say let's have a do over.

I can't take back some of the insane things I said this morning, I can't go back. I have apologized for my behavior.  I will learn from this mistake.  Hopefully I will handle it differently next time.  Or perhaps as my heart continues to heal and I continue to re discover myself I won't let those insecurities that I was having today bother me as much in the future.

Tomorrow is a new day. New start, new beginnings.  DO OVER.

Love,

Marcy