Is it Possible for the Church to Take a More Compassionate Approach on Divorce Without Sending the Wrong Message?

I grew up in the church. I have a strong faith in God and the Christian values.  And I don't want to say anything negative about my church family. My church family is great and there are those who have supported me through prayer and through many different ways.   With that being said, I have found that the church can be the loneliest place to go through divorce.  During my separation and beginning of the divorce process, I found it difficult to go to church, one because I struggled with "feeling" like a failure as a Christian woman. Two, because it was just too painful for me to sit there while everyone sat there with there families still in tact. Thirdly, I didn't know where I fit in anymore. I no longer fit in with the married folks, and I definitely didn't fit in with the single folks. I didn’t fit in with the widows because my spouse didn’t pass away. And despite good intentions, I WAS treated differently.  I felt lost and very much alone.  I wore this “scarlet letter”.

I also found myself alone and without knowledge of how to do some simple repairs around the house.  I thought the role of the church was to help the "widowed" and "orphaned" and even though my spouse did not die...I was left alone with two children and without the knowledge or ability to do certain repairs.   I’m not above learning how to do things around the house, I just didn’t know how or who to call for help.   And I found that when I asked for help from those in the church I was all on my own. I had to be careful of who I asked for help, I couldn't ask for help from anyone who was married, for fear that it would appear that I was hitting on them, and or there was something inappropriate going on. “People would talk”….I couldn't ask the singles, cause again, I was a "marked" woman (that scarlet letter) and people would talk. And it amazes me how  people “talked”….people who had known me since childhood, people who have SEEN my character.  Talk about painful!  But perhaps that’s another post title….  

I have struggled with this.  And I want the message to get out, that the church can be the most painful and scariest place to go through a divorce.  Perhaps the church can and should  do more to accept and support someone going through divorce.   Is it possible for the church to accept and support someone who has been divorced without sending the message “we are pro-divorce.”?  Many churches in their concern about sending such a message, err toward a severe response rather than a compassionate one.  Perhaps a church can even move a step beyond acceptance to acknowledge that divorce may have freed an individual to grow and change, to become more of the person God intended them to be. No, divorce is not the way of the church. But it is a fact, and it happens. It is a very difficult process and those going through a divorce could seriously use a little love and support re building their lives.  Having a compassionate approach doesn’t mean the church is “pro-divorce” any more than God is; it simply demonstrates that the church recognizes God’s ability to work through and redeem ALL circumstances, even the less than ideal ones.